My Scruffy Writing Phobia

For the longest time I’ve hated my handwriting.

Actually that’s a lie because I remember there was a time when I loved to write, I would write little notes and stories on scrap pieces of paper and add little doodles, and then at some point in my childhood when I was at school I started to get told off a lot in class for having untidy messy handwriting and was forced to write in print only;  I wasn’t allowed to write in ‘grown up joined up writing’ any more and from that point onwards I started to develop a phobia about how my writing looked.

To make matters worse the teachers would always made me use a blunt pencil, while everyone else in the class were all using ‘grown up’ pens; everyone except me that it, and I hated it.

I hated that awful scratchy dragging feeling my pencil would make as I wrote on the cheap school exercise book paper, I hated having to take care over each letter and I hated how my writing looked because I was constantly told it was untidy, unreadable and looked a mess by the teachers and so my hand writing phobia developed.

Since, I’ve more or less avoided using my hand writing in most of my adult life and also in my art work too, in the past, whenever I’ve had to write something by hand I would always remember all the reprimands and nagging voices over my messy writing echoing in the back of my mind, these thoughts would paralyse me and make me over analyse each letter and word as I wrote it; is it spelt right? Is it too messy? Can you read it? It got to the point where that to me it would almost be like I was looking at an alien language.

Then one day, I cant recall exactly when, something inside of me snapped; it’s MY writing, it belongs to ME, nobody else, who cares what people think of it, all that matters is what *I* think of it.

I was just sick and tired of the feeling that fear about my writing, I decided to stop listening to the doubts, I decided to silence the inner critics.

Since I’ve started to enjoy using a pen again and doing lettering arts, its no longer a stress or chore and I’m writing more and more these days.

This makes me happy.

Anyway here are a couple of pieces I did recently, I was just playing with the letters and words and not really thinking too much about them.

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I call these two pieces below my ‘mindalas, a lettering twist on the arty usual mandalas, instead of doodling patterns I used words and colours, I wanted to set my intentions and goals for what I direction I wanted my artwork to take so I did these as kind of a twist on the meditative mandalas to achieve this.

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